I felt the lyrics said exactly what I needed them to say. Just one tiny part of the bridge troubled me. I've boldfaced the problematic line below.
Two hours later and you are still(You can listen to the full song on our Myspace page.)
Talking in circles
Why nothing ever changes
Seven years later will you still be
Going in circles
Drowning in puddles
Nothing ever changes
I didn't dislike "drowning in puddles." I liked it too much. Rather than spend its existence buried in the middle of a song, it deserved greater prominence. It should be the refrain that gave the song its name. But there was no place for it in the refrain, and "Dry Ground" was a more fitting title.
For maybe half a second, I considered stripping the line, saving it for some other song's chorus. But I liked it too much where it was. Regretfully, I let it remain a throwaway.
* * *
With more songwriting experience under my belt, I've come to value the clever turns of phrase that only come around once.
Last week I decided to build a song around a cool sentence that had been bouncing around my head. (I can't claim much credit for the sentence; it's an adaptation of something a friend of mine said first. I think she'll let me use it, though.) I made it the first line of an otherwise unwritten chorus ... and didn't get any further. The line wasn't inspiring a melody or other lyrics that particularly excited me.
Then, a few days later, I came up with an idea for a whole 'nother song. I realized that the line would scan perfectly into one of its verses. Could it make sense in this new context? Yes, it could. Done.
Sometimes a lyric works a lot better when it doesn't have to carry the entire tune.